There are a lot of advice, tips, tutorials on how to change your lifestyle, how to earn more money, how to quit smoking. How about some bad advice? As a joke, I made up a tutorial “How to destroy your life”.
Let’s start, shall we? 😉
One thing at a time.
1.Let’s start with an easy one: making your teeth and your breath bad. Start smoking. If your lungs are already week, you can start with the easier thing – just stop brushing your teeth. When you start noticing that people are looking at you all funny and don’t take vacant seats on a bus if it’s close to you, then you are ready for the next step. Buy the cheapest pack of cigarettes you can find (why waste money on destroying your life?) and try to smoke as many packs a day as you can. If you feel your hands are shaky and your skin is kind of pale – you are doing everything right.
2.You’ve already started destroying your body by smoking. Now the aim is to continue destroying it and begin to destroy another sphere of your life – a professional one. Again, let’s start with the easy step. Start drinking alcohol. There is no need to buy expensive beverage when you can buy the cheapest colon you can find. It has to contain alcohol though. It may be a little hard for the beginners, so why don’t you start with a cheap beer. You stomach is already affected by smoking, so a few bottles of beer will do the rest. When you drink all this, you can go to bed. Oh, and if you oversleep, it’s ok. The next day, before you go to work, don’t forget to smoke a few cigarettes to cover the smell of alcohol. It is the first step on the way of losing you job. (This is the second sphere of your life that is going to be effectively ruined pretty soon).
3.When you have a coffee break, it may be nice to go and smoke a joint of weed. It may be expensive, but you have to do it if you want to lose your job.
4.If your boss didn’t notice that you are hangover and high, there are a few things that you can do to make sure you’ll get fired (it will also help you to destroy all the connections you have with people from work and lose friends). Washing our tea cup in boss’s fish tank is perfect. Scanning and sending the least attractive parts of your body to the business partners will work too.
5.Step #5 is how to lose your girlfriend / boyfriend. Oh wait; you must have lost her after the step #1! So my work is done here.
6.Step #6 is losing your house. But if you did steps 2-4 then you must have lost both: your job and your house.
Congratulations! Your life is ruined!
Now think about it (seriously): most people actually do more than a half of these things.